Bills

WHEREAS, in the years since the adoption of the Organic Law, considerable genealogical research has been done on the ancestry of the Talossan Royal Family; and

WHEREAS, recent discussions have concerned the prospect of changing the official designation of the Royal Family to reflect its ancient roots among the family of Rouergue, who provided the historic Counts of Toulouse; and

WHEREAS, the Toulousian descent of one colonial ancestor of HRM King Robert I of Talossa has been confirmed in the forthcoming (2002) edition of David Faris' The Plantagenet Ancestry of Seventeenth Century American Colonists, and

WHEREAS, LZ 6 of October, 1999, established the following text within Article III, Section 4, of the Organic Law: "The present Royal Family is styled as is appropriate on historical grounds, __________. The designation of the name of the Royal Family shall be announced by the King and confirmed by a law of the Ziu"; and

WHEREAS, the "historical grounds" for such a designation have been confirmed,

THEREFORE, the Ziu hereby:

1) Accedes to the King's 19 February 2002 designation of the Talossan reigning family as La Casâ és la Dünastà Rouergue (The House and Dynasty of Rouergue); and

2) Inserts the name of the reigning family into Article III, Section 4 of the Organic Law, as authorized by LZ6.10.1999; and

3) Approves the suggested heraldic emblem (see illustration) for the Talossan branch of the House and Dynasty of Rouergue, as follows: Gules, a cross clechée Vert, fimbriated and pometty Or.

WHEREAS Talossa has not the people or the resources to enact its own system of delivery of mail/envelopes and packages...

WHEREAS the United States Postal Service as well as other private companies such as FedEx and UPS do a wonderful job of satisfying this requirement for civilization...

WHEREAS the Government of Talossa has always allowed the United States Postal Service to operate freely within the borders of Talossa...

THEREFORE the Ziu now creates the Talossan Postal Service to be comprised of employees and equipment of the United States Postal Service which the Ziu shall allow to continue operations unfettered by wind, sleet, snow, or rain.

WHEREAS Enron told the world and its employees in thought, word, and vaporous deed of its seeminly benign and upstanding nature...

WHEREAS this has proven to be a falsehood of gross magnitude that would make any con artist of any ilk humble himself in the presence of the Enron building in Houston...

WHEREAS Ken Lay has given rise to a new way of conjugating "to lie": lay, lay, and lay...

THEREFORE, the Ziu mandates that if Mr. Lay should ever become a Talossan prospective, that he prostrate himself in front of a Living Cosa wearing sackcloth and ashes and beg for forgiveness ere he could advance to the next stage of Talossanity according to Talossan Law.

WHEREAS most of the text of this bill was poached from a Wittenberg 8 post of R. Ben Madison...

WHEREAS Gloria Estefan was made the National Entertainer of the Kingdom of Talossa by virtue of "Erni's PD making her such, was one of the great masterstrokes of Talossan culture that I (Ben) had absolutely no hand in."

WHEREAS "This is an authentically Talossan facet of reality..."

THEREFORE this "Talossan facet of reality" "that was inappropriately and irrationally expunged from our lawbooks by [people who need not be mentioned here], and deserves to be corrected" shall be put back into force by the Ziu making Gloria Estefan, once more, our National Entertainer.

WHEREAS, public bathrooms are used by many people; and
WHEREAS, some of these people can be real slobs, never properly washing their hands after relieving themselves; and
WHEREAS, most public bathroom doors open into the bathroom, not into the hall; and
WHEREAS, this means the

WHEREAS, bus rides can be long, tedious journeys; and
WHEREAS, some of us like to use the ride to read a good book, ponder on the meaning of life, or simply take a nice nap; and
WHEREAS, recently a new scourge is threatening the rights of innocent passengers on these bus rides; and
WHEREAS, this new "evil" is the advent of obnoxious people who are always on their cell phones; and
WHEREAS, sometimes these inconsiderate loudmouths chat, laugh, and blah-blah-blah throughout the entire trip, distracting other passengers from their books or thoughts, while waking up anybody trying to sleep;
THEREFORE, the Ziu declares the use of cell phones on buses to be illegal, except in cases of extreme emergency, such as hijacking or serious injury. The Ziu grants full authority to bus drivers in the RT to kick off the bus those who, after due warning, refuse to abort any pointless conversations on their cell phones.

WHEREAS the current territorial provisions of the Organic Law are a
disorganized jumble, AND
WHEREAS they also fail to adhere to international law and custom, AND
WHEREAS no truly substantive changes are needed to regularize the
definition of the territory of the Kingdom of Talossa, AND
WHEREAS such minor changes as are necessary to conform with
international law and custom only affect the maritime claims of Talossa;

THEREFORE, the Ziu, pending ratification by a referendum of the Talossan
people, modifies the constitution as follows :

Article II Section 3.

The metropolitan territory of the Kingdom of Talossa consists of all
land on the Talossan Peninsula south of a line drawn from east to west
through points lying equidistant from the north and south curbs of
Edgewood Avenue, i.e. the former border between the City of Milwaukee
and the Village of Shorewood, and the entirety of the island of
Cézembre. The territorial waters of the Kingdom in North America extend
half-way out into the Milwaukee River, south and west of the national
territory, and eastward into the Talossan Sea (Lake Michigan) to the
midpoint between the shores of Talossa and the territory of the United
States. The territorial waters of the Kingdom in Europe extend twelve
nautical miles in all directions from the island of Cézembre wheresoever
the distance to the nearest non-Talossan land is more than twenty-four
nautical miles distant; it otherwise extends halfway to the nearest
non-Talossan land. The Pengopats Antarctic Territory consists of the
land bounded by the line of 60 degrees south latitude in the North, 90
degrees west longitude in the east, and 150 degrees west longitude in
the west, sans Norway's Peter I Island, and all sea within twelve
nautical miles of such land. The territory of the Kingdom extends into
the atmosphere above the land and water territory to the altitude of at
least thirty miles, and to such distance further as is generally
recognized by international law. This territory is sacred and
inviolable. It shall not be ceded, reduced or broken up. This territory
is claimed, occupied and administered by right of history and shall
never be abandoned. Non-assertion of other territorial rights under
international law than those enumerated in this section shall not
constitute abandonment of such claims without a specific act of the Ziu.